My Acne Story


My Acne Story

This is going to be lengthy, but I want to share something very personal with you about my skin care struggles – the day I was in a puddle of tears on my bathroom floor, hating my skin and myself, having no idea what to do, just knowing I couldn’t take any more.

You see, for the previous 15 years I had been struggling with acne – long past that awkward teenage phase. Nothing I tried worked (and I tried everything!). Nothing over the counter, nothing from my dermatologist, none of those celebrity endorsed products, none of the at home “natural” remedies.

This used to be my skin on a GOOD day

Meanwhile, acne affected everything about my life, my relationships, my career, my daily decisions.

I never let my boyfriend touch my face. I’d recoil at the slightest indication that he might reach out and brush my cheek because it was a reflex. I didn’t want anything touching my face for fear it would cause a breakout. I felt embarrassed to admit that though, so my boyfriend just thought I didn’t like his touch.

I walked through my life with an internal dialogue that constantly left me fatigued. “How well did I do my makeup today? I should have touched up in the restroom first. They’d take me more seriously if I didn’t have acne. I shouldn’t have even come today.”

I would make at least a dozen decisions a day based on the condition of my skin.

Good skin day, hair up. Bad skin day, hair down to hide my face.

Good skin day, go to the pool party. Bad skin day, nope. Can’t risk my foundation to running off.

I would even wear my glasses when I didn’t need to, just in case the frames hid a few zits at my temples or along my eyebrows.

It was absolutely exhausting and ruining my life and I knew it. I had to do something.

So I decided to try accutane, the drug so powerful it could permanently damage your liver, but was supposed to be a permanent solution.

That’s where I was – in a place where a possible damaged liver seemed like a better option than bad skin!!

I suffered through serious side effects. My hair turned extremely dry and brittle and half of it fell out! My skin developed terrible rashes, I had frequent, painful headaches and couldn’t go out in the sun at all because I’d burn up in a second.

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I convince myself this was worth it if it healed my acne…

About the time I thought I had made a terrible mistake, it began working. After five months, my skin turned so clear it seemed like porcelain.

“That was worth it!” I thought. The side effects eventually faded after I stopped taking the drug. With clear skin, I had everything I wanted. I was on cloud 9 and felt like an unstoppable force! For awhile…

Even with the acne gone, I kept having the nagging feeling that something still wasn’t quite right. I kept examining my skin for the flaws. I noticed dark patches that had never been there before. How insulting when I had gone through so much to have perfect skin!

But it didn’t stop there. Slowly I started unraveling all the things that were still wrong with me, never satisfied that I looked good enough. Then… the acne came back.

Just one pimple at first. But one became two. Two became three and soon came the day when I was in that crying puddle on the bathroom floor, absolutely devastated because the one thing that was supposed to permanently fix the problem had failed me. There was nothing left.

I have no idea how long I was there, but after I was finally all cried out, something clicked. A switch had been flipped and I made a big decision.

“Nothing is more important to me than I feel better than I do right now. Nothing.”

I decided to arm myself with knowledge. I learned everything I could about acne. What caused it, what contributed to it, what products did and didn’t do, how skin works from the inside out.

It took one more realization, that this obsession over a solution wasn’t good for me either, to finally make progress in leaps and bounds. I made it my mission to be the healthiest version of myself. To treat myself and my skin with kindness, instead of hatred. To nourish myself in every possible way – body, mind, soul and skin.

It didn’t happen over night. But it happened.

And by the way, it worked. I have never been happier with myself, my life, and yes, my skin.

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I’m sharing this story with you because if you’re still reading, it means you’ve had a similar “crying in the bathroom” story.

I want you to know, I get it. The frustration, the overwhelm, the depression, angst, worry, and lack of confidence. I lived it all. And I want you to know, you can move past it. You can heal your skin, but more importantly, you can heal yourself.

I didn’t over come this obstacle because I am special, I overcame it because I was open to the possibility that I could. From that, and with a lot of trial and error and grace, I found my way.

Looking back, I now see that there is a simpler path. There are steps to take, and if you put one foot in front of the other, they will lead you to a happier, healthier, more fulfilled life, that happens to result in clearer skin.

I would like to show you this path. The one I learned the long, difficult way. I want to show you that it doesn’t need to be so hard.

I can’t help that younger version of myself crying on the bathroom floor, but what she went through and who she became can help you.

If you are curious about the steps and the path to healing (both your skin and yourself), I would love to speak with you. I would be honored to have a personal conversation with you about where you are, where you want to be, and see if I can help you along this journey. All that is required is a willingness to share your story with me.

If after we speak you decide I am not what you need right now, that is completely fine. I promise that in just having this conversation, you will receive more clarity about your skin than you ever have before.

To begin, all you need to do is follow this link and fill out the form.

From there, I will reach out and we will schedule a time to talk.

Like mine, your healing journey begins with being open to the idea that it’s possible. That’s the only thing you need to do right now.

I truly look forward to speaking with you and hearing your story.

Sending you so much love,
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6Comments

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  1. 1
    Rav

    Brianne, thank you so much for sharing such a personal story. Congratulations on finally defeating acne monster once and for all. How do I deal with the scars acne left behind?

  2. 3
    Jill

    Brianne, “yes!” I would love to have the opportunity to connect with you. I’m 32-years-old and have been living with acne since I was 9. Thank you for putting this work out into the world! I look forward to hearing from you!

    • 6
      Brianne Grebil

      Hi Kevser,
      The post here is pretty much the whole story :) Would you like to share more of yours? Where are you with your skin today? I would love to know more from you if you’d like to share. Let me know. XO

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